Arosha - A Ray Of Light

He asks me “ How is he ? is he good … or naughty ? ” But … I cant give an answer , for moments I stay silent. What can I say ,How can I explain him years of experience in just seconds ? He is his brother ,he knows him a lot better than me, yet ,I will tell yoU what I know about him ,what he means to me – although pages might not be enough – in a very feeble attempt.

In my sixth year he came with me to the very same place to meet our mother and ironically he was there with me at the very same place to depart from our beloved mother, but I never thought it would happen hence the 7th year itself had departed us. I can use many beautiful words and soothing phrases to explain him , But I am not ready to Do it hear and dishonour everything that has happened. You know that there are good people in the world , there may be people better than him - I know. But what he did to me – no one else did – no one good or bad.

He is just a normal guy who eats when he is hungry , smiles when he is happy and cries when he is sad – just like us. But I saw something special in him , something very rare and something strange but good. He was a “good man” ........... I don’t know how you would understand this, but he is. I can tell you some of the good things that I saw in him , but I’m sure that there’s a lot that I did not see. He was honest ,and a man of his word. He did not promise what he could not do and did what he promised. He was cheerful and friendly – to everyone big or small – something that you would not expect from somebody of that kind. He was decent and knew how to behave like a gentleman – thugs were not among his friends but they also did not offend him , only the so called good people – and was clean neat and tidy. He was innocent, and was always there at the right place at the right time – not the wrong. So and So I can keep telling you , but Above all he was not Proud or rude and I rarely saw that from ones in his clan. That's enough..

By the time I was to face my 10th year I was becoming a monster. Year nine had made me one ,and the Ten also had to suffer from its consequences. At a time where I was even unsure to reach year Eleven I saw him again, Accidentally , Ironically – Fortunately. I was on a wrong path going towards destruction , but this ray of light showed me a way. I was bad – I admit , but I thought to myself amazed at This character. He was the class first , but he was so humble and so friendly – even the 10th was not ! The wrath I had towards this society , this level ,I drew back for him.

I was half destroyed by then, But I thought to my self, took a decision and started to rebuild my life looking at this strange person. He was silent most of the times, but there were thousand words unspoken in his every action for me to learn.

I had no role model in my life - no one famous or prestigious – but he was for me , a role model , the role model. I even

re learned to write english letters from him. Even today I write letters like him , not so alike , but neat and clean. Victory was obvious for me in Eleven ,  under this great shadow.

Life is odd, it gives you many chances. It gave me a second chance in the year 12 .This time I was quite close to him .     I may have been just a friend to him , but for me he was the light to follow , master to obey .This time he did not became the first , but the second. But soon I understood that he was safe there from much trouble of being first. He deserved to be himself – silent but significant. I wanted to be vegetarian but he showed me that it was not the case .I wanted to be a book addict but he showed me that is was not the case,He showed me that life is not about strict policies but doing the right thing at the correct time.

 After the advancement he came to the wood-city. I never thought I could go there too , I hoped but I was no match to be with him in his level, I know I do not deserve that , after all .But the destiny again brought me to wood-city to watch him from far and observe - my role model.

Once more I met him by chance and got to visit his home, but for a funeral. For the first time ever. I met his parents ,humble they were too , although how much rich they were- rare. His brother asked me that question. But now I think you all know the answer. Enjoying their hospitality , lying on his own bed – he himself sleeping in a sofa ! I caught my eye on a little writing on the Wall of his room. Perhaps , it is what made him such a worthy man … from his childhood.

PS:  You may find this fellow someday at Goda , humbly taking his home made lunch, slowly and innocently.
But I'm sure he will light a thousand more lives like mine - but not slowly or secretly. I wrote this for the fact that I am forever indebted for what he did to me , and what I am today....

Waiting for Blood...

Blood gives life to organs ,

thus for a whole body as long as it stays alive...

It can inject life as well as redeem it within hours ,
or days ,or weeks or months.

Each cell of blood contains Oxygen ,
the burning fuel which can light the heavens.

But as far as captivated,kept in silence and not unleashed..

Holds the power to it self wasting time money space - Energy ! 

Delay the blood you can be in big trouble, I almost feel like dying for days

Waiting for the Blood to come,and fuel me up to release my Energy
~Thy may not come - 
shall it makth me weak NO ! I can sustain

Just for a while maybe though ,yet the birth of blood is light

Darkness may hold the key that blood is not to come,

Dear BLOOD !!! Please come ASAP...

Restart

This evening I was wondering, looking at the huge rocks along the coastal belt

" how the hell did they bring them here ? "

With rex we had another major concern to discuss since D had confused us toppled our mindset upside down.The feeling of wretchedness still haunting inside my mind orders me to sleep,but I have slept enough ! 

Exactly a year ago I was so fond of writing ,browsing the pages of facebook and chatting he's and she's all around the globe - Skype, MSN . Gtalk , Yahoo - what didn't I use ? lol It was not a hobby but a search for something that I thought I missed in my life.Then suddenly it all stopped like I had found what I had searched for...For a moment though I thought that I had found what I have searched so far and it was within my reach.A year along i was striving hard to gain what I longed and today with my old pal , on a train coach , sitting besides a window , looking at the lazy sea I'm repenting for what I have done.It was a mirage all the way along , something that never ends , something that never satisfies and something that i understood wrong.DM when he used to teach me told us

" you better make the most of your twenties , where you can learn anything and everything, earn the hell out of you  in the thirties and save the resting part for the late fourties " 

anyway I had just wasted almost two years of my golden twenties.I had done many things and helped many people , earned something for life , but.... 

Today I decided to restart, like many more times before I hope this will not end in a dead end.I used to write for my joy , reading what I write gave me immense pleasure and some rythmless poems too.Some I wrote for some special people ,some i wrote for my self but in the end it was all literature for me.Maybe D is right after all , we do need something to carry with us, but both rex and I know coding wont help us to be what we desire in any way.It will just make us slaves of our own cell of limitations but I do want and will start with a program that will work.hmm .. they say " Love is Blind " , but trying to love  I saw many things , that i will never leave or forget ever , so Its time to restart.This may just be a restart of the machine , restart of the cycle or a restart of my life hopefully ,but still in this constantly changing world "change " is the only thing that counts and It will always keep me smiling...

Friends

Exam Crushes

Maths is a very tough subject to do,to understand ,to get good results -not to mention how valuable it is.And the people who do maths are sometimes called tough,hard to handle,not gentle - but the opposite.Doing maths does not harm the warmth inside,the genuine feeling of love and affection and "caring " nature of a person.How can someone say that people who do maths are like machines ? sometimes they are far better sensitive than the other three.Understanding that fact needs only a few examples.

Some say that biology is an easy subject.Alas ! if you don't work hard - it too will be very difficult and might take three attempts for you to pass it.Moreover biology produces doctors - who should have a sense of responsibility and adaptive nature.And they expect the students who follow bio also to be like that-dynamic and gentle.Life depends on people who go across this subject and they should know the value of a human life and should be more factual and patient in doing things.In conclusion doing bio is not easy business yet it is not so ugly as it looks(although you have to suffer a lot )

Doing commerce makes you a machine sometimes-having no feelings,no freedom or no time to be with nature.Endless double entries,huge accounts,loads of books to study,silly but long tiring sums to solve could make you numb to many human behaviors and even turn your body in to a pygmy size.So hard you try to suppress your feelings and try to rank and get the best result - you may get it - but the inside is hollow and dull , yet there could be at least a tiny bit of humanity,desire left.However if you are in a race to be a CEO ,to fight rag in universities -commerce is the thing to do- you can even make up to an island rank ! Ultimate achievement ? a namesake title,quick temper,collection of diseases and many lost friendships.

Going to the arts subjects ,they seem to be very free and flexible,rich ,charming,beautiful and mild(childish)-but they maybe not ! And one thing that keeps me from doing it is the fear and shyness (I think I'm too good to do ,or I'm too bad ).Yes everyone should have a sense of humor ,artistic feelings -but there is a time and they should bring it inborn with luck.Although arts subjects are rich in facts they are sort of dumb and provide no secure future compared to the other three.Nearly I took a good decision to stay away from arts but still I think "it was worth a try" - but who knows " time will hold the answer".In the end all arts subjects lead to a campus as well and however much they rag , i believe it is the best experience to have of all four subjects as harder they get better they are.

I have passed the time of all these subjects,gone through much change since the OL's .In the end I'm here doing IT not related to any of those .But , Who knows ? perhaps I might again have to tangle with one of those again or something different from IT too.being optimistic I have good hopes.

" Let'em Come ! I shall face with no fear at all ..."

Many Colours - but Flowers ...